I Just Admit It, Will The World End?

It's been months since my first/last post. I figured if I didn't confront the issues, didn't admit that I was unhappy, I would figure out a way around it. If I didn't talk about it, it wasn't real. If I didn't say, "I'm an emotionally abuse woman" that it didn't happen.I do, in fact, blame my husband for a lot of my unhappiness. He makes fun of me. He does whatever he wants and feels he is entitled to. He doesn't help me with the kids. He drinks, a lot and thinks it is normal to be shitfaced by 6 PM, asleep by 7. He can be such an amazing guy. I've made excuses after excuses for him. But the longer I stay in this pattern, the more fed up I am. I didn't have a great childhood. I felt left out of most everything, the permanent babysitter when in reality, I wasn't anything but a child. And then just ignored unless I just did something awful. I was and still am a selfish person. I'll admit it. I want attention, 24/7. I need someone to tell me I'm beautiful and funny. Oh wait.. I think every woman wants that. I don't want to be told how bad I am at something, immediately following a compliment. I don't want to be nervous every single day that my husband will be in a bad mood, which means the kids and I take the brunt of it. I don't want to deal with his racism, his self importance that he hasn't earned, his "I'm so much better than this shit, I'm just doing it to make YOU happy, it's all YOUR fault I'm unhappy" crap, ANYMORE. But yet, I stay. I stay b/c I don't want to break my children's hearts. I don't want to deal with his family and their snarky ass comments about how horrible I am to have broken their baby's hearts. I don't want to be a divorced woman. I don't want to have to tell my children why I left their daddy. I don't want to be without my children, ever. And if I divorce him, that means splitting up holidays and summers and weekends. And that breaks my heart more than dealing with his crap. So I stay. And I'm miserable. And I'm making him miserable.
I daydream of being done with all the awful things and being with someone who loves me for who I am and appreciates how hard I work for my children. I don't want to be seen as the weak woman who just lets her husband push her around. I just want to be loved.